How Old Attachment Wounds Reappear in Adulthood

Many high-achieving adults notice that old attachment wounds — and the safety behaviors they developed to cope with them — show up most strongly in moments of dating, conflict, uncertainty, or emotional vulnerability. You may find yourself overthinking or feeling pressure to “get it right,” especially in moments where you care about the connection and want it to feel steady.

These patterns often have roots in childhood environments where emotional attunement was inconsistent, expectations were high, or you learned early on to minimize your needs to “keep the peace.” As adults, similar beliefs can get activated: I need to perform to be loved, I’m too much, or I can’t depend on anyone. This is work I understand deeply — both clinically and through my own lived experience.

Common Areas I Support

• Feeling pressure to “get it right” in dating or relationship dynamics

• Attracting avoidant or emotionally unavailable partners

• Falling into familiar relational patterns despite wanting something secure

• Difficulty expressing needs without guilt or fear of judgment

• Worrying about “what the other person is feeling”